But Who Keeps The Dog??

Issue #23

September 12th, 2023

Quick Hits:

🦜 Get ready to be blown away by this African Grey Parrot

🇦🇷 Argentina recognizes visitation rights for dogs

🐕 This saint wants to save all the street dogs

⭐️ 5 Star treatment for your pooch

🐱 Tom Brady can’t say no

This week we interviewed Karis Nafte. Amongst other things, she specializes in pet custody mediation for separating couples. Recently, she developed a course for dog professionals who would like to become a Certified Pet Custody Consultant. There is a growing need for certified dog experts in pet custody cases, this course will give people the tools to do just that.

Anyone who would like more information can visit whokeepsthedog.com

You are a qualified service dog trainer, certified dog behavior consultant, accredited international mediator, and one of the only pet custody mediation service providers - Firstly what does a mediator do? How did you decide to marry all these passions together? And also did you see a need in the market for it?

The job of a mediator is to help people who are in a place of conflict come to an agreement themselves, without escalating the conflict into a legal battle with a “winner” and a “loser”. The mediator’s role is to keep the conversation fair, focused, and productive with both people also committed to finding a solution or compromise that can work for everyone. A mediator is more than being a peacemaker, we are solution facilitators.

My approach is a unique one, because of my background as an expert in dog (and cat) behaviour and psychology. I tell my clients that while I am neutral between them as people, I am really working for their dogs to make sure they end up in the best situation for them in the long term. There are people who work with pets in a mediation context, but I am the first to approach this work as a dog expert first and a mediator second. My clients choose to work with me specifically because I can advise them about the long-term behavior implications of custody for their dogs or cats.

Yes, there is a need for this work and predict it will grow quickly. Many people in relationships these days are choosing not to have children, but they do have pets. When those relationships end the dogs can have the same emotional pull as children do and people need guidance and support to figure out what the right thing to do is.

You have a book coming out later this year, what is it about and why did you decide to write it?

My book is a guide for both legal professionals and the general pet-owning public on how to approach pet custody with the animal’s needs at the forefront. It is a helpful and insightful book covering the whole range of questions people tend to ask about pet custody and behavior tips for helping dogs who become stressed or anxious during a divorce. Topics like shared custody, what to do if you have several dogs, are visitations ok, do the different breeds of dog impact a good custody plan, how to handle a home with children and pets, etc.

I decided to write it because I am passionate about sharing this information with as many people as possible. The more people understand how to help dogs caught between a separating couple the better for the animals and better for the people. My book is being published by Dogwise Publishers, look out for it on their website.

What are the most common mistakes you see people make when it comes to pets (either day-to-day or throughout the pet custody process)?

One of the most common mistakes I see people make with pets, both in the context of divorce and day-to-day frustrations or confusions about dogs is that people tend to attribute human motivations, human emotions, or human intelligence onto dog behavior. It is easy to imagine dogs are as emotionally aware as humans, but they are not. Dogs respond to their environment and the body language of the people around them with great sensitivity, but when people imagine they are acting from revenge, lack of respect, or defiance it shows a real misunderstanding about in inner workings of a dog’s mind and actions. Thankfully, dogs are too simple to be crafty about their actions! Difficult behavior from dogs is normally the result of boredom, lack of training, poor socializing, genetic inheritance, lack of appropriate outlets for their energy, or inconstant reactions from their owners. Dogs will simply act in the most interesting, fun, instinctually satisfying, or self-protective way in any situation based on their breed and personal history.

Why do you say "Most dogs do not do well in shared custody"?

There are certain individual dogs who can cope well with shared custody in the long run, but many do not. Initially moving between two homes can seem like an adventure for a dog, but for the majority of dogs within a few weeks or months, this becomes stressful. For dogs who cope fine with shared custody, you can see this in their behavior. I’m a big fan of saying that “dogs never lie” you can tell how they are feeling based on their actions. If moving between homes is genuinely stress-free for a dog, then it is fine.

Over time many dogs in a shared custody situation start showing signs of stress, anxiety, loss of appetite, and even aggression when it is time to move homes. Some dogs simply start running away and hiding away if they know it’s the day to drive to their other guardian’s home. When you see dogs behaving like this it becomes unfair and unethical to keep moving them between two homes. That is when the hard, adult conversation needs to happen between the two people about which home the dog should live in.

As I mentioned before about attributing human emotions to dogs, in the context of divorce I hear people saying things like “I am my dog’s mother/father, they need me in their life because I raised them”. This is not true; while dogs go through an adjustment period when they say goodbye to people in their lives, they can generally bounce back and be perfectly happy creatures, even if they no longer have contact with a former owner. Or, if a dog can no longer tolerate a shared custody schedule people take it personally instead of understanding that dogs will simply try to take care of themselves and avoid stress and if moving between homes is stressful they don’t want to go.

You currently live in South Africa, have you found it easier/harder to scale your business working remotely?

Living here in Cape Town is great for remote work. Because I am American I have gravitated to my home soil, and I work in the USA primally, but also in Europe and Australia. Since I am in between all the time zones I can get up a bit early for clients in Australia and work later for my California clients. Before I started working in pet custody I was offering online behavior consultations all over the world. No matter what country you are in, dogs behave the same and so do people, so it doesn’t matter if I am in Cape Town or New York, the service I provide is the same. I also give regular talks and presentations around the world on this topic which allows me to network globally.

You've been doing this for close to 3 decades, How have attitudes shifted towards pets vs. when you were starting out?

I have observed a huge shift towards wanting to understand pets better. People are curious and want to understand dogs and why they do what they do. I have observed a global cultural shift where people are realizing the need for socializing for young dogs and consistent training to effectively and humanely change behavior and teach skills or manners to dogs. When I first started working with dogs, people would think that if they used a specific word or spoke in a certain tone that would automatically result in a well-behaved dog. There was an idea that dogs who didn’t automatically listen didn’t respect their owners. Now more people realize that if a dog doesn’t do what you say it is because it doesn’t know what you want it to do!

Of course, sadly, there are still people who promote the idea that behavior can be changed immediately, especially for dangerous or aggressive dogs. It is very possible to cause a dog so much fear or pain that it will stop any behavior in an instant, but in the long run, using those sorts of methods will increase a dog’s general state of stress and make reactive behavior worse. Real behavior modification is a bit like watching paint dry; it is slow, progress is gradual, takes patience and practice but it sticks in the long run! I have worked with reactive and aggressive dogs for so many years and nothing is more satisfying than seeing a dog relaxed and happy in a situation where it was previously not safe.

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• A new president - Himalayan Pet Supply names a new president.

• Bullish on pets - Bleakley Financial Group LLC Expands Investment in Petco.

PAWS right there!!! Don’t forget to subscribe 👇👇

• Recall - 644 five-pound bags of Victor Super Premium Dog Food have been recalled due to positive sample tests for salmonella.

• Mediterranean Diet - A new celebrity chef-inspired dog food line was recently announced. Investors include - Palm Tree Crew Investments, Point Break Capital, and Torch Capital.

• Whole Foods for dogs? - Holistic pet store Pet N Mind, is on a mission to bring only all-natural, healthy food for dogs.

• J.M. Smucker Company - The company is focusing heavily on cat food and dog snacks.

• New player in town - Superlatus, Inc., a food technology and distribution company, plans to enter the global pet food market with plant-based foods.

• A rather unique orchestra - This performance of dogs and the Danish Chamber Orchestra is pawfect.

• Bridge Dog - This dog has a very important job to perform.

• Korean BBQ - This cutey is a true foodie.

• Pet gator? - Right now you can keep a pet alligator in Pennsylvania, but that might be changing soon.

What are some opportunities that you are seeing for consultants in the pet space?

I see more and more law firms focusing on animal matters, and many specifically around divorce and custody matters. The laws around the world are gradually changing to allow judges to make decisions about the best interest of pets, instead of having to treat them simply as personal property with a rightful owner. This means for qualified dog consultants there are opportunities to be used as expert witnesses in divorce cases when one person is trying to prove that they would be a better long-term home for their dog, even if the other person may be technically the registered owner.

How do you carve a niche for yourself and become an authority figure/speaker?

Someone once told me it takes years and years to become an overnight success, and that I how I look at my career. I wouldn’t be able to do the work I do, or developed the courses I teach, without the years of hands-on experience, and great privilege, of working with thousands of dogs, cats and their human families. I saw the need for this work I do, but it took several years of marketing, reaching out to divorce professionals, and giving public presentations before the wider world embraced what I do.

My understanding of how dogs are affected by divorce and pet custody decisions and my willingness to present, write, teach, and work have allowed me to become an authority figure and speaker. Two years ago when I gave a presentation for the American Bar Association, I knew I was making headway and the world was paying attention.

You have an accredited course that you sell, how many other revenue streams do you have and which ones are the most fruitful? Would you suggest entrepreneurs diversify their revenue streams?

I wear a lot of different hats every day! My work is split between my teaching work, speaking engagements, and seeing my own clients; working with clients both in the pet custody space and helping resolve behavior problems. My suggestion for entrepreneurs is to diversify as much as possible within a specific framework or specialty. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there in a new way, don’t give up easily, and no matter what you do keep educating yourself! The more you learn the better. Sometimes when it feels like you are ready to give up on a new project is the point just before it starts working.

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Finally, Why are frogs so happy?

They eat whatever bugs them.

See you next week!

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